Not a C19 virgin anymore.

The date is stated, I don't have to spell it out again. I was supposed to have my first day of degree internship yesterday but Allah's so cool He gave me 7-days isolation period while observing my batchmates go thru theirs Yeah, I tested positive on 19th. Jeez I really wanted to play invincible yknow. But I guess it's my time.

I didn't have to explain how long has it been since I last written here. It's my fourth day of Home Isolation Order, my case have been classified 'Alert!' bcs my symptoms are severe but of course I avoided hospitals. And I could, thankfully, bcs my brother is a GH doctor. Also of course, because I am strong (read: stubborn). The past three days had been awful. I cried many times out of pain, you know what makes COVID harder than other common sickness?- it could be the very moment you need someone's hug, but you cannot have anyone close.

Well, today I feel a lot better and I tell myself I should be in front of the computer and doing something. And God led me to blogger (very random, I know), but here I am, trying to write again. By now, I really couldn't figure what I want to write, or why am I writing. I lost my spark, I thought it was a writer's block but no. It was simply the end of that 'century'. But since I am here, maybe this is the right time I crawl back here and begin again from square one.

The last time I wrote, maybe I was still a computer student. I was.. a Web Developer? Now I can't even remember how to custom this blog's CSS. Lol. I am a counsellor now. Trainee Counsellor. Don't hold it in, you can laugh. If I was a reader, I might have laughed too. This roller-coaster emotional rider became a counsellor? Hahaha. But it's not a joke tho. I am, a trainee counsellor now. And did you know? I have a boyfriend.

Omaigash, I've really grown up didn't I? 

I am sorry I was not here to tell all the beautiful stuff. Well, beautiful things are for Instagram in this era. Can you believe it? When I first started blogger, Instagram haven't even existed. But don't worry. I met my boyfriend in university. 

Let me tell you one thing that is bothering me at the moment. Why? Because, don't people usually let out their sadness and disappointment here? Did I not once upon a time? Lol.

I'm facing some discomfort in my relationship recently. I feel distant, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable that I ran further for more distance. He keeps making me disappointed and the thing that I hate the most is to have to ask for more. I feel very sad, and accumulated sadness makes me angry. But I dreamed of him in every night sleep every time I cut contact with him. My readings and explores always makes me feel like the blame is mine, but how can I lie about how broken my heart feels?

Fuck. I thought I could write properly this time, but I still can't. It makes me sad.

I know he doesn't like it when I tell people about us.

Thank you Blogger, for still existing. I'm grateful for a place to rant.